Super husband

A few weeks ago we had a scare. I started having severe stomach pains which felt like I was going into preterm labor. After calling Erik, he decided he needed to leave work and take me to the doctor.  With the help of a dependable friend, (thanks Audrey), to take care of the children, we went to the doctor. Thank goodness we found out it was only a stomach virus.  ONLY A STOMACH VIRUS!! This was one of the most horrible experiences that a pregnant woman can go through! I was pretty sure I wasn't going to survive. (I am a little dramatic.)

Anyway, the point to all of this drama is how my husband saved the day. Now, one of my parenting goals is to teach my girls to never look for a man to be her knight in shinning armor. We all have flaws and no one will complete your life and "save" you. That is chick flick garbage at its best. However, I do want them to see how their daddy swoops in and takes care of their sick pregnant mother while taking care of everything else in the house. I want them to find that godly man who will take care of them when they need help. In sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. Sometimes I think we forget what those words really mean.

Erik had to deal with my whining from my quarantined bedroom upstairs. He had to run up and down the stairs a million times bringing me things I needed. He had to run to the store and pharmacy about a dozen times. All while homeschooling two children to get them ready for their community day on campus the following day, taking care of our almost two year old, cooking for them, cleaning up all of our messes, etc.   He swooped in and took care of EVERYTHING without complaining at all.

 I know some of you may think "This isn't a big deal, quit bragging." But unfortunately I don't seem to praise him for all he does enough. I suspect many of us don't praise our spouses for all the sacrifices they make for our families. This is something that I intend to correct. 

Days like that make me realize that we ARE going to make it. You know there are days when the chaos piles up and you think you will never survive. This incident could have been one of these times but it made me realize that even though it is tough, Erik and I can do this together, as long as we are seeking God and depending on Him. 

I Corinthians 13 

The Continuous Battle with Self

Great theologians and philosophers such as C.S. Lewis and Phoebe Buffay have spoken and written about this subject. (Yes, the Phoebe from the T.V. show FRIENDS.)  The subject I am speaking of is selfishness. Phoebe talks about it in an episode of FRIENDS when she is trying to convince one of the other "FRIENDS" that no one does anything out of pure selflessness. There is always the element of self and the desire to get gratification from helping others. C.S. Lewis spoke of it when he admitted that even in his writing when he was trying to glorify God, he was in a constant battle within that truly his writing was about himself and not God. 

This has been an area of great sorrow for me lately as well.  See, even as I write about seeking selflessness and humility it is about me. This drives me insane!!! My husband even had a dream about selfishness which was very vivid and real to him recently and he RARELY has dreams that he can remember. He dreamt that he came up with a great idea that touched thousands of lives. He had a dream job in which he implemented this idea and shared it all over the country. While speaking in front of a large crowd it hit him like a lightning bolt that this entire idea, no matter the good it was doing, was about him. He said he shot up from his sleep and couldn't sleep the rest of the night. He was so distraught over making sure that he doesn't live that life. The life where no matter the good that the world sees you doing, no matter how selfless it seems, it is really about glorifying and elevating yourself.

 There seems to be no greater tool of distraction or defeat than that of being consumed with self. It can keep us from serving and following God. It can keep us from relationships and friendships. It can even keep us from experiencing the most amazing gift of giving life to our children. Our love for ourselves is the deepest, strongest, yet most toxic and destructive love there is. 

I find myself sabotaging relationships so many times because I feel the need to talk about myself. In my desire to share or tell someone that I relate to their issue, I end up making it all about me. Humility is such a struggle. My nature is to be talkative. Many times in chattering there is no room for humility.  

So what are we to do about this overwhelming problem of selfishness? Honestly, I have no answers. I am thankful that I do know the one who has all of the answers but I also get so caught up in myself that I don't seek Him for the answers. I get caught up in my own mind. I get lost in feeling sorry for myself or trying to figure out how I can do more to make it feel like I am truly giving my life to God. When in all reality He wants a REAL relationship with me. He doesn't want me talking about it on a blog or flashing a biblical status or quote. He wants me broken and bent, on my face before Him seeking and listening.  Why is that so hard?  He has ALL of the answers if I would seek Him. My worst enemy and my biggest obstacle is myself.

I end with something from Mother Teresa that I "happened" upon. (The quotes mean I think God helped me "happen" upon it as I have been struggling with all of these selfish thoughts.) "There is a very holy priest, who is also one of the best theologians in India right now. I know him  very well, and I said to him, "Father, you talk all day about God. How close you must be to God!" And you know what he said to me? He said, "I may be talking much about God, but I may be talking very little to God." And then he explained, "I may be rattling off so many words and may be saying many good things, but deep down I do not have the time to listen. Because in the silence of the heart, God speaks."

God and Christopher Robin

God and Christopher Robin

Anyone that knows me knows that I love to read Jen Hatmaker's books, blogs, devotionals, etc.  I just finished reading her devotional for moms called "Out of the Spin Cycle". It was filled with encouragement for moms but one particular point stood out to me. She talks about how our idea of who God is can be formed from our relationship with our parents. The idea of that scared me to death! She acknowledges that as we grow older and mature that we are able to realize that God is nothing like any human that we might try to equate Him to. However, while we are children we might form the idea that God isn't forgiving, holds grudges, with holds love, is easy to anger (Yikes! Not that I am easily angered or anything :),etc.

I thought of the many  times that I have lost my temper, spoken words that were deflating instead of encouraging, and the times that I have been unforgiving. I in no way want my children to think that God is ANYTHING like me. I fail so often and He never does.

 I decided to talk to my children about this at our morning devotional time. I told them about how I had read that children will sometimes think of God as behaving or acting like their parents. I told them that of course their father and I don't always react perfectly or handle things exactly the way that we should. I explained how God was forgiving and when they come to Him and confess their sin that He forgives them instantly and He NEVER thinks of their sin again. He doesn't shame them or hold it against them. They can ALWAYS start clean. They can NEVER stray too far for God to accept them back instantly and love them unconditionally. He never withholds His love for them.

 The responses I got were interesting to say the least. Isaac immediately responded with his father's personality and wit saying, "Oh, don't worry, I know God is nothing like you or Dad."  Hmmm....very glad he understands the concept but not so sure how to feel about mine and Erik's examples. Apparently, we make the distinction very clear for him. At least he gets the concept.

Then came the most perplexing response of all....Mallory. She never ceases to surprise me. Her response was that she imagines God as a giant Christopher Robin.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... I really have no words. Christopher Robin does seem kind and caring. I get that. However, what is really perplexing is that I could probably count on one hand how many times she has watched Winnie the Pooh or read any Winnie the Pooh books. We just aren't Winnie the Pooh people. I never watched it much so I just don't think about having my kids watch it or read the books.

So, in my attempt to teach a great lesson I came out of the lesson feeling a little confused, defeated, and laughing at my daughter's ability to keep me thinking. However, I feel like maybe the thought was planted  in their minds and I am going to try to remind my children daily that God is better than anything that we can imagine!! He will ALWAYS love us, in spite of our sin and bad decisions. He holds no record of wrongs. He isn't sarcastic and demeaning. If we make a bad decision we can bring the effects of that decision to Him and He can help us make something beautiful from it. We can't imagine or fathom His grace and love. That is the greatest concept that I hope they learn and carry with them forever.