Lately I have been consumed with "What ifs". Surely I am not the only one who does this. I think, "What if I did this differently? Or, What if I had made this choice instead of that?" I admire those who seem to make choices and never look back. Those who are so convinced of their decisions that they never seem to think twice about them. I have NEVER been this way. I always think of the 1 million different options and it is maddening. In my wondering and searching lately, I read two things. Almost like they came from God or something :)
The first thing came from "Radical" by David Platt. He spoke of how we, in our comfortable Christian culture, seem to always ask "What is your will for me God? If God would just show me and tell me then I would do it." Wow!!! That is me!! I can't even count how many times I have said this. I have made God's will to be so confusing and never feeling like I know what it is. He tells us in the Bible that His will for us is to go and tell about him. Period. Nothing else. It isn't that complicated. There are approximately 1.5 BILLION un-reached people who have NEVER heard of Jesus. That sounds like a good place to start!
The second thing that hit me between the eyes came from Genesis 19. God sends messengers/angels to Lot and tells him to get his family and leave Sodom. They are reluctant. I think "Man, if God sent angels to me I wouldn't be reluctant." But would I? I am sure I would analyze and think about what they said and rationalize that these people could in no way be angels. The main part of this chapter that struck me was when Lot's wife looks back at the city when she is specifically told not to. She looks back. Why was she looking back? Was she curious about what was happening? Was she longing for something she was giving up even though God specifically told her to? What could be so important that she would disobey God like that? Then BAM!!!! She turned into a pillar of salt!! Whoa! Looking back was a BIG MISTAKE!
If you read on, you find that Lot later has crazy dysfunctional issues with his daughters which most likely might not have happened had their mother been there...who knows. But the point is Lot's wife wasn't obedient. She drug her heels. She looked back. She wasn't fully seeking and trusting God. I DO NOT want to be Lot's wife. I don't want to harm my family by looking back or not being obedient.
As wives we have the ability to harm our husbands and paralyze them or we can be supportive and see them become the men that God intended for them to be. We can pray for them continually. We can speak life into them and not bring up all of our frustrations with them (my main area that needs work). By lifting them up, never ceasing to give up on praying for them, and believing in them we can see God miraculously change their lives. Guess what else happens? We change too!! Our hearts will soften. We will become focused on God's will for our family and the role that we hold as wives and mothers.
We have to let our men lead (I know that might step on some women's lib ideas :). If we are lifting our husbands up in prayer and verbally and with our actions then their hearts will be more likely to be open to God. God desires husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Who wouldn't want to be loved that way? As much as Christ loves His church!!! That is an awesome love!!! If we are both seeking to put our spouses before ourselves, and of course God before everything else, then our marriages will flourish.
Our selfish desires and "rights" are deception seeking to rob us of our families. I know. I lived there for a long time and our marriage almost dissolved many times because of it. We still struggle with our selfishness. The devil knows exactly how to get to us. He whispers all the time, "What about you? Don't you deserve this or that?" Actually, we all deserve death and hell but thankfully God provided a way out of that. Just because He is awesome. He didn't have to do anything for us.
So my prayer is to not be Lot's wife. I want to help guide my family, with my husband at the lead, to wherever God would desire us to be. I feel that I have made an effort in that direction by coming to Oregon. I haven't done everything perfectly and I am still trying to figure out how to balance being a wife, mother, and investing in others, but I am learning.