I am turning 35 today. I had a blog that I was working on titled, "Things I can do at 35 that I couldn't at 25". It was full of items that while hilarious, are really issues that I hate about getting older or even that I sort of "pity" myself for enduring. Topics such as: gaining weight just by looking at food, varicose veins, stretch marks, wearing the same clothes, shoes, and jewelry over and over, topped my list. While I could delve into funny stories about each topic I started thinking about the choices that have led me to what some (including myself) may look at as misfortunate and disgusting. I realized while I may look at these things as trying or even depressing sometimes, I have four people that I brought into this world that were worth every "hideous" mark and bulging vein.
I even had an ugly cry/pity party, for myself yesterday about how my birthday was going to be spent at home all day with sick children, since a virus is slowly spreading through our family. I wasn't going to get gussied up and go out. I would be taking temperatures, administering meds, changing diapers, washing laundry, cleaning toilets, etc. All of these things are not really enjoyable ways to spend a birthday.
However, today I woke up thankful. I am so incredibly thankful that I get to spend the day with these beautiful gifts. I get to sit with my big teenager and apply a cold rag to his head and talk about Star Wars and college. I can watch my one year-old run around the living room jabbering the new words he's learned that mostly, only he can understand, but he's proud nonetheless. I am able to listen to my overachieving, ambitious nine-year old count to one hundred in Japanese (because she decided to teach herself) and listen to her list of things she needs to do before she turns 11. (Because she is about to turn 10 and that would be too soon to do things like get a book published and break a world record, so she's giving herself a little time.) And I also get to listen to my spirited three year-old scream at the top of her lungs because she can't find her pink sunglasses. Even though she can drain me, she can also give me the sweetest smile and tell me how much she loves me, and at that moment my heart feels full.
While life with my four children is in no way perfect, and most days I spend standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes and pulling my hair out, I am so thankful I have these amazing people. I in no way deserve them. There are so many other people in this world that are more deserving and would be far more thankful on a daily basis for the love of these four children.
I'm thankful that God can forgive me when I am not grateful, and when I am pitching a baby/diva fit. I am thankful for the grace and understanding that I receive from Him. I am just a human who falls minute by minute, and I hope that I will never forget to look up in search of His forgiveness for the things I may take for granted. I am also thankful today for the love and grace of my husband. I can be pretty harsh and unforgiving to him but he just holds on through my diva fits and still tries to shower me with the unconditional love I don't deserve.
I am undeserving of the love and grace that I receive daily but today I am thankful.