Friday, November 13, 2015

5 Things to Know Before You Have a Large Family

1. When you have a big family someone will ALWAYS be sick.
There has never been a truer statement in all of time. When there are several of you cohabitating in one small space, just give up on the dream of health for everyone. It isn't going to happen. Sure, you may only have a cold but after it slowly travels through every person in your family for two months, you will feel like someone has cast a plague on your house. Your sheets, pillow cases, and comforters will be worn ragged by all of the washing they endure. I'm still waiting for a washable couch to be invented. 

A cold pales in comparison to a stomach virus. When that hits you might as well call the CDC. EVERYONE WILL GO DOWN!!  Your only hope is that someone will be healthy each time a member of the family has it so that they can scrub carpets, toilets, wash everything thoroughly, and administer Gatorade, Sprite, and saltine crackers. Hopefully, that someone is you mom, because when mom goes down total chaos and anarchy may ensue. 

2. There is never enough milk or orange juice (or insert the name of your family's favorite juice). 
You just bought a gallon of milk and juice yesterday?  That's cute that you thought you didn't need to buy it again today! Seriously, every single time you go to the grocery store you need to buy these staples and every single time means everyday. Don't kid yourself and think there is enough. THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH!!! Save yourself from the juice Armageddon that will occur if your children awake in the morning and there is no juice or milk!! Your name will be mud. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, and I'm not just talking about your children. You will rue the day that you "forgot" the milk and juice. Just do it!! Buy it everyday!!! 

I use to think if we could have an orange tree and cow that it would save us money. Then, I nervously laughed at the thought of my husband and I trying to milk a cow and juice oranges in the morning. Thank you Lord for the invention of the grocery store. And all God's people said, AMEN!!!

3. Toilet paper, diapers, and wipes will be bought in bulk. 
Basically your money goes to wiping hinees. You literally flush your money down the drain or throw it away in the form of tissue and diapers. There was a time that a four pack of tp would last you a week or two. Ha!  Why even waste (pun intended) your time on a four pack of tp now?  You must want to return to the store tomorrow and buy more? Save yourself the trip, and gas money, and buy the largest pack available in the store that consumes the entire grocery cart. Unless you just plan on picking up more tp because you will be back at the store to purchase milk and juice anyway. It's your call. 

Baby wipes perform miracles!!  They will clean the food from your child's face, clean the floor, bathroom, car, etc. There has never in the history of the world been a cleaning tool more versatile. You will realize just how dependent on wipes you have become when you are in your car one day and there are none for you to wipe your dirty hands on. Keep packs stashed all over your car. Believe me you do not want to get caught out one day with a child who has dirtied their diaper and you have ran out of wipes. Your child will be crying and so will you. Save yourself the pain and keep boxes of them stock piled at home. I know this sounds extremely environmentally unfriendly. I have tried to think of ways to use washable rags but the thought of holding onto something as vile and germ infested as that makes me feel sure that my family would contract an infectious disease. So, no....I will not do it. I will use packs of wipes on a regular basis and I will recycle everything else that I possibly can to balance it out.

4. There will be laundry until the end of time. 
I wake up, I start laundry. I come home, I start laundry. It's time for bed, I must fold laundry. One of my husband's gifts for me, when we strike it rich, is to hire someone to do the laundry for me. He knows the way to my heart, that's for sure. He knows I could care less about a mansion, expensive car, or diamond ring. Just take care of the laundry and cleaning for me. That's all I will ever need.
5. The bathrooms will ALWAYS need to be cleaned. 
You say you just cleaned the toilets and sinks yesterday? Yeah, well your teenager has spit toothpaste all over the mirror and sink again. He did it yesterday too. It's kind of his thing so don't waste your breath, just clean it up. I won't delve into the details of cleaning the toilet after your large family everyday. I'll let your imagination do that for you. You're welcome!

While a large family may bring sickness and never ending cleaning, it also brings never ending love. I don't know what I would do without them. I might not clean as much or buy things in bulk, but that just adds to the adventure that is life. Or the adventure that is Walmart.